So authorize.net has been down all day, July 3, 2009.

And how do they decide to treat their customers when this happens?

They shut all their phones off so it either says disconnected or that they are closed "for the holiday" when it's in the middle of a business day. They give no status and just ignore all their customers to give them a big "fuck you". They also keep their website down, too.

The shit company might have well have just gone out of business.

Well it's the summer now, I live in the country. It's in the high 90s during the day and it stays that way until past midnight.

At night because I have my lights on I hear, THUMP THUMP, on my windows. This is from insects hammering at my windows. Anyone ever seen Alfred Hitchcock's movie "The Birds"? It's just like that except it's insects instead of birds. The bugs hammer against windows as crazy as birds and when they manage to get inside, they start attacking people just like the birds did in that movie.

Discuss.

Oh my god! News reported that Michael Jackson just died!

Goodnight Sweet Prince

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This one time a woodpecker visited our house. He kept pecking on this tree outside my father's room. Night and day he would peck and peck and peck. Father tried everything he could to get rid of the woodpecker. He threw pots and pans at it, shot at it with a gun, and just plain yelled at it for hours. But nothing seemed to get rid of the woodpecker. So father killed himself.

The Ballad of Agent Pubeit

Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit was very brave
Watch ye friends and ye shall see that he will win the day
Deep underground with stone and trains, Vaseline was applied
We handed him pubes, so many pubes, so he may complete his guise
The path to victory and win, paved with pubes accumulated
from the anonymous horde they came to him, fail he could not afford
the various pubes they stuck to him from the Vaseline he put on before

Brave Agent Pubeit came up from underground
Covered in Vaseline and pubes, he emerged proud
40 degrees in the streets, the streets
here's where we got the call,
Agent Pubeit the brave was on his way, free of delays and stalls
verily he traveled on his way, the brave the brave the quick
to the Church of Scientology to tell them to suck his dick
the many they stared afraid they were for a thing they have not seen
slippery and covered in pubic hair was the way it had to be

Meanwhile back at our the base the attack had already begun
Prank calls and our various faxes would ensure the battle was won
A dozen proud preceded him serving to distract
Incessant and vicious our calls they were, offensive and horrible our fax

BRAVE Agent Pubeit, he was about to arrive
At the Church of Scientology, his target could not hide
Touch everyone and everything once he runs inside
Pubes on their hands as they go to grab the gross slippery pube-covered guy

Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit ran away
He knocked over shit and he got our pubes all over the place
He touched three guys and they found out, how slippery one man could be
He spread confusion and our dickhair, with his touch of Vaseline

His mission complete it may seem, but there was more
Three blocks away awaited another Scientology org
The buildings two he strikes at thee, as he has once before
The CLO headquarters did not know what they had in store

Radioed in we attacked our target number two
Let the enemies know that with them, Anonymous was not through
Off the hook their phones rang as we directed our second push
Agent Pubeit will soon come their way and deliver upon them some bush

Brave Agent Pubeit, safely got away
Scientology we strike at thee because you're fucking gay
Your buildings both we hath spread, our agent covered in pubes
Remember this day we have delivered Operation: Slickpubes.

This site doesn't have product reviews so I'll just put my review on the forum. This review is for a product called a "fleshlight". It didn't work for me, however, it's not the Fleshlight's fault. It really isn't. It's simply the fact that trying to use the one I ordered for my 34th birthday has rammed home the basic fact that I am a loser and that I am never going to get laid in my life.

I am apparently both too small and too big to use the Fleshlight. Small in the penis and big in the grossly overweight stomach. The result is that I apparently can't get very deep into the thing and experience the ribbing and other textures.

I ordered four inserts at once, three supertights with the three sorts of textures -- wave, ribbed, bumped -- and one ultratight. With all of them I have been having an incredible struggle to find a comfortable position to get in with my enormous stomach to allow for using the thing long enough to get off. I apparently developed a way to masturbate by hand that deluded myself into thinking I was normal. I am obviously not. I can only seem to go about an inch and a half into this Fleshlight before my fat gets in the way and the smallness of my penis defeat the purpose. The incredible depression of the experience makes it hard for me to stay erect as the whole time I am thinking about what a deformed, out-of-shape loser I am, so I end up only half hard or less.

Today is my 34th birthday. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, due to being a shy fatass with an ugly skin condition that I was afraid of having anyone see by taking my clothes off. I am so incredibly fucking lonely and depressed. I just want to be able to hug a woman, to hold her in my arms. Sex is frankly secondary to me, which is lucky given that I haven't had any except with my own hand.

I bought this thing thinking I would treat myself and make myself happier, but it has just driven home how fucked I am. I guess my only hope at this point is to find a woman who doesn't mind me only using oral sex on her because my penis obviously doesn't work very well.

This site is crazy :)

Good crew it's cool :)

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good material thanks

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